xx_missys_blog_yo_xx's Xanga

One Year No Cuts!!!

Mon, 16 Feb 2009 08:02:51 GMT

You Heard It Right, One Full Year!

I just wanted to write a little something about this just to tell everyone how, thankfull, and happy, and amazed, and (did I say thankfull?) , and proud I am that this day has finally come.

First, and really, most important, THANK YOU JESUS! THANK YOU JESUS! THANK YOU JESUS!!! I know that if it wasn't for God, and his love and encourgement, and the hope that he gives me, not only am I positive that I wouldn't have made it this far, but I litterally wouldn't even be alive.I barly remember anything from that one October night, but I know that I should have died, and I know that God saved my life that night, and that he did for a reson, and that, even though I didn't relize it until much later,he started a work inside of me that night that would eventually change my life forever.I now know that God is soo good and has great things planned for me, and I can't wait!

I also want to say thank you and love you so much to all of my friends and family who were there for me through my tough journey (slip ups included).

Jourdan, for being there no matter what, for putting up with all of my crap and crazyness, for holding me when I cryed, for hugging me even after I punched you in the face, for keeping presure on the wounds until help came, for making me stay awake until the paramedics got there, for making me laugh harder then anyone ever can (even if I didn't want to), for doing all of this (plus more) and still managing to be the best sister and friend someone could ever have.

Aunt Jamie, for helping me find God, for helping me get away when I need to, for making me laugh,for giving me hope, and filling me so full of love that I don't know what to do with myself.

Mom,for putting up with my crap, for driving me to the hospital more times then I can count, for doing your best to viset me as much as possible whenever I was away, for forgiving me after all of the fights,and for not giving up on me.

Nay, for always awnsering the phone, for trusting me with your secrets, for keeping mine, for our infamous all night talks, and for at one piont in my life being the only person on earth who really understood me.

Sandie & Sarah, for being my other family, for praying with me, and for loving me.

Brodey, Logan, Wade, Connor, Carlie, and Cayla, for loving me uncoditionnally, for letting me love on you, and for reminding me how to be child-like.

As I write this I get teary eyed, relizing how far i've come, and how much i'm loved.This year hasn't been easy, or great, but i've made it through, and i've made it through healthy.I'm anxious,excited, and looking forward to see what God has planned for me next.

Jesus Culture :D

Mon, 09 Feb 2009 05:50:09 GMT

It was so amazing!!

I dont even know where to start...

Day one was really cool.

Kim Walker led whorship wish was totally amazing as usual.Its been a long time since I've seen her so I was really happy that she was there 'cause I love her.Lou Engle spoke which seriously blew me away, I had never heard him speek before.I was just...wow.

Day two was so awsome.

In the morning Kristene Mueller Led whorship, I had heard her at Bethel a few times but not much, I didn't relize how great she was until now.I'm really looking forward to getting to hear her more.Danny Silk spoke and it was really good as usual.

In the afternoon (after the lunch break) Melissa How led whorship with backup from Kim walker and Chris Quilala.It was so awsome and so so much fun in the croud.I ended up being in what I call the "God Pit" which is pretty much a bunch of people getting really drunk in the spirit and falling to the ground in the middle of the huge crowd, an experence that that was amazing beyond words.Then Lou Engle spoke again, which was, again, awsome.It was also cool because during the God Pit I ended up making some friends in the process who I hungout with at dinner break.We hung around the fountains for a little while, then went to the sundial bridge and then came back to wait for things to start up again.

Wile we were in the big crowd in front of the stage waiting for evening whorship to start a whole bunch of us were chanting and stuff to pass the time.We would yell "We love Jesus yes we do, we love Jesus how 'bout you?!" and then point to one of the upper sections, then they would cheer and return it and so forth.It was a little bit of a longer wait this time so the chanting started getting a little old and then the girl next to me goes "Oh my gosh we should to the wave!", it was a great idea but it was such a huge croud we didn't really have a way to get it going.So we kind of let it go for a bit.Meanwhile there was a camera guy filming the croud and stuff.So a little bit later (still waiting for whorship to start) there was some people with this little boy who was maybe 6 or 7 and we said "Hey maybe we can get that little kid on the stage to start the wave." So we asked the camera guy if we could and he said ok.So we lifted him up there and he ran across and the WHOLE croud did the wave and then he went back the other way and we did it again, it was so cool! After that he came back to where we were and I reached up to grab him to get him down when behind me I hear a bunch of people saying "JUMP! JUMP! JUMP!..." So the kid totally does a stage dive and goes crowd surfing it was AWSOME! After that a bunch of other people started crowd surfing too, it was great.And this was all before the concert started.

Once it started Jake Hamilton led whorship, I had never heard of him before, but I'll never forget him now, he just blew me away! I don't think I've ever headbanged so much at a secular concert, let alone in whorship.It was finominal.We also had a God Pit again which was amazing, again.Banning Leibcher sopke, wich was good too, but I did end up leaving a little early because I was just so exausted and sore, it was a 13 hour day so yea.

-Overall it was just an amazing, fun, crazy, filled, awsome two days that I will never forget.

Thanks for the commentairy captin tatle-tale!

Sun, 01 Feb 2009 19:04:19 GMT

Haha ok so random title that only makes since to me and Brodey probly ....but anyways just thought I'd give a bit of an update.

Well, well, hmmmmm lets see.

Right now things are sorta the same as the last time I blogged as far as the internet status and what I'm really doing.Although I am getting out a little more which is great 'cuz I need it.I have decided (finally) that I really need to apply to the school of ministry at bethel, however I keep procrastinating so I need to call apon some friends for support.Also I was so happy that I did end up making it to Jourdan's wedding in early January it was so amazing just to see her, let alone to see her getting married, I wish we didn't have to leave so soon though.I now have pictures from the wedding on my myspace so check it out.I am also so beyond excited for Autumn to be born next month!!!

Like I said before I'm still working on the home internet situation hopefully it will happen soon, and well, thats about it.

Bye for now.

Long Time No Blog!

Tue, 13 Jan 2009 00:37:07 GMT

Hello, hello, hello everyone!

I know I haven't been online in FOREVER guys, but it's not my fault I swear! As much as is freaking sucks I still don't have internet acess . Right now I'm at the library and I just wanted to give a little update and let everyone know I'm still alive and such.

Bacicly right now I'm just chillin not doing much of anything in Redding. I've been going to church and hanging around with family but thats about it at the moment. I did meet a few really cool people at church last night so I think soon I'm going to start going out and doing more stuff.

Also, for those of you who were wondering, I am not going to school. It just all became to complicated and impossible so I've decided to just start at Shasta Collage soon and take my GED somewhere in the middle.

But yea, like I said, at the moment I don't have a whole lot to tell you because I'm still trying to get everything going, but I'm not doing too bad.

LOVE AND MISS

<3 Missy

New Town, New House[FINALLY!], Fresh Start...

Sat, 06 Sep 2008 12:52:05 GMT

Well everyone, I'm pleased to announce that my mom has found a place for us to live.THANK YOU JESUS!

I haven't seen it yet, I'm still at my grandma's house, but I have compleate faith that it's gonna be AWSOME

So I was just letting you all know about that and also that I won't be online for a wile due to lack of internet funds, and wile that sucks, the next time I talk to everyone [online that is] it will be from my new house!

My cell phone is dead and I don't have the charger, but once I find it or get a new one I will sure to be texting people that have my number so look out for those

Love & Miss To All

Sigh

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 19:51:46 GMT

Unfortunatly, today is one of those days that I think the only thing that will help is to bang my head againsed a wall a few hundred times.

This scares me a little because this is how I used to feel most of the time in my...lets say..."dark days".

Today is officially the first day of school.Everyone is there as we speek, and once again, I'm not there. What a fucking surprise right? It's probably really mess up to say this but I'M SICK OF THIS SHIT.

I feel like, latly, all the effort and work I put in these past 7 months are meaningless.Yes, I've changed, and am starting to "get better", but life isn't.Some days it makes me feel its not worth it.

Ever since we moved I had this dream that I wanted to have at least one "normal" teenage year.I wanted to go back to regular highschool, start looking for some friends and maybe a boyfriend.To just have a good time and do "normal teenage things".I'm getting more and more upset, especially today, becuase I feel like its slipping away.

I have all of these mixed emotions that make me feel like I can never make up my mind.I'm excited and proud of myself because I'm handling things way better and havn't cut or anything in 6 months.Then it gets drowned out with being pissed because one of the people that matters most dosn't seem proud.And even more pissed because no one and nothing has changed with me as promiced.Depressed because it feels like nothing will ever change and because I miss my sister more then anything in the world.Confused because I'm making all of these physical changes and I feel like I'm not entirely me anymore, like I've been fake this whole time or something.

It's an awful feeling, that tears you up inside to feel like you don't belong anywhere.That where your living is someone elses home, and not yours. Feeling missplased and okward all the time.Like your never going to see home, that you're just going to drift forever.

I don't understand why I put, and am still putting, in all this effort and nothing seems to be giving back anything for me.

I know this is all part of Gods plan, but I can't figure out where it's supposed to be taking me.

I just feel like its all about to blow up in my face.

A bit of an update for you....

Sun, 03 Aug 2008 21:42:59 GMT

Hello everyone, it's been a little wile since my last update so I figured iI'd try to keep you in the loop a bit.

I'm still in placerville with my grandma, I'm not sure when I'm going home yet.Part of me wants to really bad, but part of me doesn't.

I think I've mentioned this to most people but I'm having a really awful time with sleep.On avrage I don't fall asleep until around 5am.It's really frustraiting.My meds don't work at all anymore it seems.I need to go to the doctor and just get on something compleatly different.Even worse is that my grandma is being UBER annoying about it.She doesn't understand what insomnia means.She doesn't get that it doesn't matter when I take my medicine, lay down, or turn the TV off because my meds don't work anymore,the earlyer I lay down is longer that i have to lay there, and the only differnce between the TV being on or off is me laying watching TV or me laying in the dark for like 4 hours.I'm just very irratable about it all.

I've been in alot of physical pain latley.It's actually getting pretty bad.Apparently most of my pain is textbook for fibromialga.Which wouldn't be much of a shock since my mom and grandma both have it.I really need to see a doctor for that too.

I got some news recently from a family member that left me with some mixed feelings.A big chunck of it is happy though.Those of you vlosest to me know that im talking about.

I haven't been doing a whole lot the past few weeks, mostly just sitting at home and being on the computer or watching TV.Even though it's a little boring sometimes, its nice to be able to relax.

Well, that's about it for now.Talk to you guys Later.

Ello

Wed, 16 Jul 2008 21:23:11 GMT

Hey everyone, Melissa here.As you may have noticed this is a new blog adress.I guess my old one just wasn't really working for me.I figured my life is changing..so should my blog.That might not make sence to you but it does to me and that's all that matters lol.

Let me start of with a few older, but still recent updates that you may have not gotten a chance to read before I made this new account.In June my mom and I moved to Redding and started staying with my aunt and my mom was looking for an appartment and job.

I was spending almost all my days watching my three young cousins.Well now I decided to no longer watch my cousins when I relized the woudn't listen to me and started being really mean to me.Also it didn't help that a "certin perason" who will not be named told one of them that they didn'thave to listen to me and that they never get punished for anything so why would they listen to me right?Anyways on top of that the house starting getting EXTREAMLY stressful, you could cut the tension with a knife, mostly because that "certin person" was being evan more of an asshole then usual.Everyone agreed with me about that until me and that person got in a huge blowout fight and then decided to take that persons side to there face and then start talking shit again the next day.It amazes me how people can be so two-faced.

As you may know Jourdan [my sister] didn't come with us to Redding.She stayed in Santa Cruz.I was really bummed for a wile but she seems to be doing really well so im glad for her.

But in the middle of all this drama there was an ABSOLUTE MIRICLE.
I became an auntie for the first time to BEAUTIFUL baby girl named Marley!!!
Isn't she AMAZING???

Also in the middle of the drama I ended up watching kids for someone else for a few days.The kids parents were like uber rich so in that short ammount of time I made enough money for a pretty nice keyboard.

Now on to the more current updates.My grandma came to viset for the 4th Of July and because things were so stressful I decided to go hame with her for a couple of weeks.That way I could get a break and hang out with some friends I have here in Placerville too.

For weeks I was contemplating cutting my hair because it was getting so hard to take care of, but I was so scared because of my last experence about 6 or 7 years ago when I ended up looking like a boy.But finally I took the plunge and asked my grandma to take me while i was here.I was freaking out wile the lady was doing it but when she was done I absolutly LOVED it.I think its really awsome looking and theres alot of different things i can do with it.

I want to surprize my mom with it when I come back.Hopefully she won't see the pictures i put up like a dum-dum head

I'm glad it's summer with all of this going on.Although the thought of going back to school still stresses me out every once and a wile.I'm pretty sure I've decided to go back to regular high school this year because I relized that although it may help me get more credits to go to an alternative school I never make any friends there and then I end up getting depressed and not going anyways.I would much rather risk having to pass high school by G.E.D and get to live a normal teenage life.

A great part about Redding is the curch called Bethel.Its so amazing and non-traditional.There's like a whole hour of whorship and during the music a huge group of people [now including me] goes up to the front sectoin and dances and rocks out.Its souch an amazing and devine experence.Not only do I love going to curch but I've also grown closer to God in the process.

Last but not least I thought everyone would like to know I have not cut for 5 months and am dong much better in that part of my life.I am also now gaining the confedence to wear short sleves in public [scars and all] and hope to soon start sharing my story with others to spread awareness.

Thats about it for now.Misses and Loves to everyone!!!